Possibly Overboard...
So Wade Nagy read my last post and told me that although he admired my boldness, that I may have went a little over board with my need to state... "if you are waiting for him to change, then you will be waiting for an eternity." He reminded me that I too underwent a "change" and that jumping to the assumption that the other person in the relationship probably won't change was discrediting what God had done for me.
So I thought I would explain my heart better...
My heart leaped out of my chest when I read the status update of a young girl (college age) stating that she was broken hearted on Valentine's Day because of the way she had been treated. This status update lead to a public argument between her and the boyfriend on Facebook. Although I know absolutely no background on the relationship, nor do I need to, I related to this girl all too well. I remember those moments of sitting back in my own tears wondering why I was always dating someone that did not complete me. I just wanted to be happy. I spent years trying to conforming myself to my relationship, rather than finding out who I really was.
I was not judging either party in this conversation, I did however think to myself... you both are too young to be putting yourself through this?? If I had just dated Jesus, found my true identity and allowed God to show me my special someone first, then I would have saved myself from many heartaches. Thankfully, God's grace gave me that someone special even when I wasn't seeking Jesus first. (That was the part Wade Nagy agreed with).
So with that said... There is hope for change. But allow God to do the changing in someone and you worry about what He wants to do in YOU.
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YES!! I have to comment. I totally get where you are coming from. I spent years in pain that someone was inflicting on me. I spent a lot of those years praying that God would "fix" them, make them not be so difficult to deal with, to miraculously fix my relationship with this person. But I realized I wanted God to mold that person into the person "I" wanted them to be.
It wasn't until years later after reading something that I realized that "I" was the one that needed changing. I needed to focus on not letting this person have such an impact on my life. And i do believe that through my change that maybe the other person can change to. They won't find a resistance from me, so there might not be a need to attack. I also believe the enemy will give up when he sees his attempts to hurt you aren't working anymore. The person may never change, maybe that's their path they have to go on God with, maybe they will never be ready for that path, but by changing myself, I continue to heal from the pain. Amen to you and Wade, what a beautifully working God-driven marriage!!
I think that applying the beautiful words that Paul wrote in Corinthians as a standard for a relationship is incredibly hard for us to live up to. "Love is always kind. Love is not selfish. Love NEVER fails." Men and woman can be mean, selfish, and fail (especially early in relationships). I specifically remember you two sitting me down after a very nasty fight I had with my now husband and telling me "get out now- he is not going to change". I have never been angry that you both looked out for me, however I am so glad I didn't listen. When I flip to the front of my Bible and look at the "Bible Verses for Daily Life" under "Love", none of the Corinthians verses are listed. Instead they list 1 John 3:18, John 13:34,35 and my favorite 1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins". Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. I am so glad that you had a comforting hand with Wade as you grew and changed, the same as I am glad I have Jordan as I have changed.
Happy every day love to you both- every day love is the messy, good stuff!